First Week of 2018-

-was depressing.

Just when I thought my 2018 was off to a good start, the DCAT results just had to come in and put me down again. I've never been this hurt in a long time.

Failing your dream school really, really takes a toll on you emotionally. What's worse is I know I'm just as deserving of a spot in DLSU as other people I know who passed. Seeing my classmates who I know are in the same level as me academically (or even lower) pass the exam really makes me feel dumb. I feel stupid and worthless. I lost my appetite to go on for the week. I can smile and laugh, yeah, but the sadness is still there. It's just sitting inside of me waiting for me to finish my 5 seconds of happiness so it can come back and eat at me again. I can't even imagine talking about the DCAT with other people; I might just start crying. 

Anyway, I feel like shit and all that, but I know I have to get back on my feet again. I'm working on making this a learning experience. I'm working on the DCAT results too (I'm taking the reconsideration test). I know God has a plan for me, and I might not understand what it is right now, but I trust Him. Lord, ikaw na bahala sakin. 

31/12/17

I've come to the conclusion that I am awful at trying to keep up with this blog. Anything that requires daily and consistent posting of quality content that can benefit others; count me out. So instead, I will be using this blog as a dump for all of my thoughts. For the public to see. Is that a good idea? Probably not.

2017 went by soooo fast. I haven't even accomplished any of the resolutions I had planned on during the beginning of the year. This year was a roller-coaster for me. I had learned new things, experienced all sorts of stuff that I never even thought of trying. This year my horizons have definitely expanded. Did I have fun? Hell yeah, all sorts of fun. Did I commit some mistakes. Definitely; some that I'd probably never be proud of. But what comes from this is lots and lots of lessons. I believe that this year I had also become much wiser. I also feel like I've definitely matured as a person.

So during 2018, what would I want to accomplish? First off is the one resolution that never leaves our lists, and that's to get healthier. I definitely want to get back in shape, and I also want to make wiser choices when it comes to what I put inside my body. So this 2018, hopefully less alcohol and junk.
My second resolution is to save more money. This year I had the goal of saving up to P10,000 in my savings account, but I'm ending this year with merely P2,000 pesos in my account. So I guess this year I'll try to change things up a bit. I'll try to deposit P1,000 into my account every month. I just want to be more mindful of my spendings.
Another one of my resolutions is to be more eco-friendly! If I have the opportunity to make less waste, I'll take it. I want to make less waste due to the growing problems that are emerging with our environment.
My last resolution, or more of goal for the year is to try to actually plan out my future. If ever I get accepted in the schools I applied to, I'll start taking my future more seriously. Summer of 2018 I plan on taking Spanish lessons in order to prepare myself for college (I have a spanish course in my major).

2018 will be the year where I finally find myself.
2018 will be the year where I start living for myself.
2018 will be the year where I learn to love and respect myself.
2018 will be my year. I am claiming it.

Summer '17 so far

It's true when people say yesterday will not be the same as today. There are changes happening around us everyday; we, as people, change everyday. It's funny actually, how different yesterday can be from tomorrow. Someone new can come in your life, or, something big can happen that will change the whole course of your life. That is exactly what happened to me this summer of 2017. 

Summer break. Anything can happen within these three and a half months. You can change your life and lose weight, or be productive and read books. In my case, I snuck out, ate all the food in the world, and drank till I puked it all out. This cycle went on for about a solid four weeks. I met new people beginning of summer. People I never thought I'd ever be friends with. They showed me new things. I experienced everything a typical teenager would in a cheesy western movie. Love, alcohol, cigarettes, parties, heartbreak. That's what my four weeks consisted of. Did I have fun? Yes, I had the time of my life. Am I proud of what my life has come to? Not exactly. Those four weeks of consistent galas made me realize some things. At this point in my life, I'm pretty lost. I feel like I don't know who I am anymore. The other day I craved for God's guidance. That's how I knew I'm not at a very good place at the moment. I felt almost every possible emotion this summer. I'm grateful for the experiences and the moments shared, don't get me wrong. I don't necessarily regret anything, because I know everything happens for a reason. Everything that's happened in my life so far is part of God's plan. So I know I'm meant to be feeling lost right now, I'm meant to reflect on my life. I have abandoned God and his grace. So now I need His guidance more than ever. I know where I'm at in my life right now will help me be the person I'm supposed to be. Summer isn't over yet; let's see what else happens. 

Brain Dump: My Heart Aches for Love

original picture not mine

I have this indescribable feeling at the bottom of my heart. It's a mixture of loneliness, and need. Lately I've been losing myself in my thoughts. I'd be mindlessly doing something, when an idea would suddenly invade my mind. I would find myself just stopping whatever I'd be doing, and just look up and around. I'd look out the window and deep into the sky and I'd get this feeling in my stomach. I would then look around my room and see my messy sheets and notice how empty it looks. I'd notice how the sun peeks through my curtains and think how lovely it would be to see how the light would hit your face. 

Life Update #1 | LogicalSophia

Hello readers! So summer's pretty much already coming to a close (noooooooooo), and I'm just sulking up its last few weeks in my house, getting as much sleep as I can, cause I know once school starts there won't be much of it anymore. It's been incredibly hot in my country. Like, insanely hot, you'd be surprised I'm still functioning. We've reached temperatures up to 45 degrees celsius. See what I mean? Anyway, the only reason I haven't died of heat stroke is I've been taking a billion showers in one day, drinking lots of water and used up my AC to the point where it might break any moment now. I think this is the hottest summer I've ever had. And that says a lot.

Get to know me tag!

I've been trying to come up with a way for you all to get to know me better, and I originally thought of just making a 'About Me' blog post, but I found that a tad bit boring. Instead, I went searching and I found the Get To Know Me Tag! This should be fun!

Sophia's April Favourites!

Hello readers! So I know doing monthly favourites is a thing and pretty much every beauty guru has done one in their lifetime, but I'm here to present to you my monthly favourites, and no, I'm not exactly a beauty guru lmao. I actually wasn't inspired by a beauty guru to do this video, I was inspired by AmazingPhil's May Favourites video! (Phil's Favourites)

Without further a-do, here are some things I've been loving this month of April!